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CAMMIE'S BACK!

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Jun. 6th, 2005 | 06:49 pm
mood: spiritual
music: Milli Vanilli

Hey guys! Never one to disappoint my public, Cammie the Earth Mother has returned! What's up? I have been very busy with my pregnancy lately. Eating is a lot of work but someone's got to do it and I have to say, I think I'm just the Earth Mother for the job. By the way, I'm thinking of changing my journal name to EarthMother or possibly ItsCammieTime or maybe even DirtyFattieSex4Cheap. What do you think? I think so.

Anyway, Travis won't take my calls or talk to me at all and whenever I show up at the frat house where he lives, he just throws turnips at me and calls the police. But that's okay. He left some flaming dog poop on my front porch this morning so I feel renewed because I know that means he's still thinking of me. EARTH MOTHERS RULE!

ON TO THE IMPORTANT THINGS! I had a job interview today! Now in January, I had this audition at Dollywood with Travis to be an "entertainer". We performed our duet of "Girl you know it's true" by Milli Vanilli and I think we did a really great job except for when I tried to do my swan-like grand jete into Travis's arms, he dropped me and I fell on him and broke his arm in seven places so we didn't get the job. Whatever. We're just too progressive for them. The world is not yet ready for Cammie the Earth Mother.

So I went for another interview with Dollywood today. I had to drive all the way to Sevierville but it was worth it because Dollywood is the happiest place on Earth. I know that everyone says Disneyland is the happiest place on Earth but that's a dirty lie because at Disneyland, can you learn how to make rope or construct a wheel for your carriage while wearing an old fashioned dress and eating a barely-cooked, six pound leg of lamb? No. You can't. That's what I thought. But at Dollywood, you can! This makes it the happiest place on Earth. I love raw lamb. And rope. Also, Dolly Parton is one of my heroes. I might go so far to say she is my idol but that title belongs to Betty White. I sometimes pray to her. Hmm...maybe when she dies, Dolly will become my new idol.

Anyway, I was interviewed by a woman named Gail who wore the most beautiful orange lipstick I've ever seen. She also had most of it smeared all over her teeth, which made her mouth look even fuller and more lucious. She asked which position I was interested in and I said I was up for anything that didn't involve wearing a bonnet because my mother wears a bonnet and I hate my mother and Gail said well sometimes bonnets are necessary in life and I said yes, I understand this. Bonnets are important to the fiber of the American heart. Gail asked me if I had any special skills and I said singing because I can do a mean Celine Dion and she said anything else? And I said I'm pretty good at eating and then I ate a leg of lamb to demonstrate my skill. She said, "Not bad." and that she would give me a call so I guess we'll see what happens!

Well, I've got to get going because I have to get to Travis's car while he's still at work so that I can draw hearts and kisses on his windshield with pink soap.

How has everyone been doing? I've missed you all passionately. I will update myself with your journals pronto!

Love and slugs,
Cammie

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from: dirtyethelbonne
date: Jun. 7th, 2005 01:14 pm (UTC)
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are you going to be a part of the pie eating contest at dollywood?

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